Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
