so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am mentally ready for anal.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
