I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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