It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
