Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
