After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize