Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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