maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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