i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
