Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
