There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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