Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Less talking, more tequila
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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