why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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