I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think pants incapable of making pants work
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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