is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
