okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
