he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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