I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
