these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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