Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
