We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
