No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
