he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize