If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
