Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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