Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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