i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
