My nipple is on Facebook.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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