I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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