I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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