You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just gift wrapped bread.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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