I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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