Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
