I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
