I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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