If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
