My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He shit in the fireplace
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
