My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
