My brain says no but my pants say off.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we made out on top of his cat.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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