Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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