I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
