I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
