New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
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