fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
