O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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