they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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