dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
