I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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