Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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