Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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