Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Still dying that you shit outside
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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