He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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