I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
