i need an iv and a liver transplant
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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